Whatever you’re going through, don’t go through it alone.
Relation
“No man is an island, entire of itself” (John Donne)
From before we are even born we learn and become who we are in relation to others. Throughout our lives our relationships hugely affect our health and happiness. We adapt to our earliest relationships and form patterns of relating that form the blueprint for our future relationships, informing what we want, need and expect from others, how we feel about ourselves, who we are attracted (and attractive) to and how we expect to be treated.
Were you encouraged to talk about your feelings? Were you praised for getting good grades, or for putting others first? Did you learn it was ok to be angry? Did you learn you had to shout loudly to make your needs heard, or that there was no point and it was safer to keep quiet? Did you learn to “pull yourself together” and “get on with it”? That it is safer not to need others? These are just examples of the sorts of things we learn as children, then take with us into future relationships. There may come a time when we realise these patterns are not getting us what we need in our adult relationships, and we want to learn new, more fulfilling ways of relating.
I understand (and know without doubt from my own experience) that the way we heal and grow as adults is also through our relationships.
There was a “relational turn” in psychotherapy in general when research began to show overwhelmingly that the relationship between therapist and client was the most important factor in the success of any therapy, more important than the type of therapy. The existing Psychoanalytic and Behavioural therapies became more “relational”, and they were joined by a wave of Humanistic therapies which focused more directly on relationship. Whereas previously the therapist would have been seen as an objective “expert”, analysing and interpreting a client’s history / unconscious / behaviour/ thought patterns etc., now they became an active participant in the therapy.
“People can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves” (Matt Kahn)
This focus on relationship means it is hugely important that I understand myself and what I bring to the therapeutic relationship. I came to train as a psychotherapist following my own utterly transformative experience of a long-term therapeutic relationship. I chose a training which involved 5 years of regular group process (like group therapy), which was about learning about myself in relationships with others, about my own history and patterns of relating, and what this will mean for my work with you. I am absolutely committed to my own never-ending personal and professional learning and development.
I will work with you to build a safe, trusting relationship that will allow you to explore your experience and way of relating (to me, and therefore to everyone else). Together we will explore whatever issues, experiences, feelings or behaviours bring you to therapy in the context of how you have learned to relate to yourself and others.
Change
“When I accept myself just as I am, then I can change” (Carl Rogers)
Central to my approach is the understanding that we can’t force change. The goal of therapy then is to grow your understanding, awareness and acceptance of yourself just as you are now. With new awareness you have new options for growth and change.
Whatever you’re struggling with in life, a strong, respectful therapeutic relationship can help you explore all aspects of your experience in a way you may not have felt able to before, bringing into awareness and integrating previously unknown or hidden parts of yourself.
Therapy can help you come to know yourself more fully, to grow and change (if you want to) and to take this out into the world and your other relationships.
Integration
“I am human: nothing human is alien to me.” (Terence)
The “integration” in Integrative Therapy refers to two things:
The first is integration by the therapist of elements of the philosophy, theory and technique from different schools of therapy and other disciplines. There is more detail below about my model of integration, if you are interested.
The second is the integration of all parts of the person, understanding how mind, body and emotions interact, and gradually learning to accept and integrate all parts of yourself (especially the parts you may not like, that weren’t encouraged when you were a child, and have previously been denied or hidden.
“In therapy, the small and lonely child that is hidden behind her achievements wakes up and asks: ‘What would have happened if I had appeared before you sad, needy, angry, furious? Where would your love have been then? And I was all these things as well.’” (Alice Miller)
The work of therapy is to become more wholly yourself, making it possible for you to relate to yourself, others and the world in a fuller, more spontaneous and rewarding way.
My model of integration
(A little more detail, for those who are interested)
There are many different schools or modalities of psychotherapy (400+ apparently!), such as Psychoanalysis, Transactional Analysis, CBT, Internal Family Systems, Gestalt, Psychosynthesis etc. Integrative Psychotherapy integrates or combines theories and elements from different schools, often with aspects of other disciplines, into one coherent way of understanding human beings and their relationships, and working therapeutically with clients.
My model integrates:
- Gestalt philosophy and theory is the core of my model (the paradoxical theory of change, field theory and the cycle of awareness). Into this I integrate:
- Concepts from Self-Psychology, Object Relations, Somatic Psychotherapy and Intersubjectivity Theory
- Theories of Attachment, Human Development and Shame
- Neurobiology
Beth Sibbald 